Youth Sports: How Did We Get Here?
Why Are Sports So Transactional and How Did We Get Here?
The easy answer is because we (coaches, players, parents, fans) all want to win, and when our team scores more points/goals/runs or scores less points (golf) or has a better time, we celebrate. We get something from this win, whether that be satisfaction for a job well done, or as a reward for all the hard work we put in. We give something and we get something back in return, which is transactional.
So, how did we get here? Again, an easy answer. Just walk up to almost any youth baseball, soccer, football, basketball, you name the sport game or tournament and you’ll find your answer. You’ll see the dad that drops his head when his son strikes out, or the mom who slaps the arm of her rocking lawn chair on the sidelines when her daughter makes an errant pass. We’ve all seen it, and likely, we’ve all done some form of this, myself included.
But why? Consciously, we are well aware that our 9-year-old isn’t perfect and will make mistakes, so why do we get SO upset? I’ve got two reasons:
We hate to see our kids fail, even though we know it’s good for them. We want to protect them from harm. We want to protect them from embarrassment.
AND
We want to protect ourselves from embarrassment, because we often see our kids as a reflection of us. We are transactional. We are embarrassed that there wasn’t a desired end result. Ouch…
And this is where I have to remind myself to grow up. Just think about this–your kids feel embarrassed because we are embarrassed of them. Do you think they would actually feel embarrassed if we, the adults, didn’t also feel embarrassed, or that they let us down?
No, they wouldn’t. We didn’t start out this way when our kids first made mistakes. We actually cheered them on. No, seriously, we cheered LOUD, HARD, and somewhat obnoxiously when they tried, and then failed.
Remember when your baby first started learning how to walk? Me, too. It was amazing, exhilarating, joyful, and memorable. When babies first learn to walk, they will fall a thousand times. They will fail a thousand times. They will keep going for a thousand more. At each step they take, we cheer them on! We encourage them! We even report out their daily progress in steps: Little Johnny took 10 steps today!
When kids are babies and toddlers, we celebrate their efforts because we know that the building blocks of true transformation happen with encouragement through adversity.
Kids don’t suddenly play and perform for transactional purposes. They are put on a stage in front of us adults and instructed to dance, and maybe, just maybe if you get it right we will cheer for you. But if they don’t get it right, the cheers will cease. The end result is that they won’t try the hard dance, or maybe the end result is that they will stop dancing altogether.
So maybe the question shouldn’t be “How did we get here?” but, “How do we get out of here?”
Answer: Coaches, Parents, and Fans, celebrate the effort. Encourage mistakes, because failure is the only option that will lead to success in the long run. Transactions have an endpoint, but transformation has no statute of limitations. Cheer for your kids as if they are learning how to walk for the first time, every time, minus the “baby talk” of course:)
