Breadcrumbs

(A point of emphasis this spring for my college soccer team has been to get outside their comfort zones and make mistakes. We quickly realized that they were fearful of making mistakes.  But why??  

And then I spent the weekend at my daughter’s soccer tournament, roaming from field to field, taking in all of the sights and (mostly) sounds, which is when I remembered…Oh yeah, this is why…)

I hope you’ll enjoy reading my latest blog, and I hope you’ll also enjoy my 10-year-olds debut blog at the end, titled: Mistakes, Mistakes, Mistakes.

Breadcrumbs

Parents of young athletes, What are you doing??!!?!?!  Wake UP!!!!!!  For God’s sake, come on!!!!  Are you even trying??!!  Why are you wasting all of our time and money??!!  Do you even care?!?!?!

A bit harsh?  I agree.  But, yet, these are just a sample of comments that I have heard from the sidelines of my kids games, ages 8-11 years-old over the past few years.

So I’ll answer the question “What are you doing??”  Answer: You are ruining your kids’ sports experience.  

If you are screaming at kids the same way you are screaming at professionals playing sports on tv, stop.  Stop living through them.  Stop being embarrassed by their mistakes and losses.  Just stop.  Your kids are hearing the message that they need to perform, and to win games so their parents will approve (aka love) them.  

Your kids are constantly seeking your approval, whether you think it or not.  But, if they are constantly seeking your approval with their wins, trophies, and performances, you are leaving them a trail of breadcrumbs that has no end.  

And then, if they haven’t quit playing sports by middle school like 70% of our youth, they begin to chase scholarships, thinking, Surely this will satisfy my parents’ return on investment for all the time and money they have dumped into me?  But it won’t.  The trail of breadcrumbs just gets longer….

The breadcrumbs lead them to a college team, and by now they have begun to form their own opinions based on their past environment and lived experiences.  And when things don’t go their way; they don’t get the playing time they think they deserve; they don’t feel valued by their coach….they start to say things about their coach like: “What are they doing??!!  Are they even trying?!?!  Do they even care about me??!!”

That trail of breadcrumbs truly never ends.  

So what can we do?  For one, stop yelling at sporting events, unless you are yelling encouragement.  Stop yelling at players, coaches, referees, and opponents.  Start encouraging players, coaches, referees, and, yes, even opponents.  

Encourage players when they try something in a game.  Encourage them when they are down.  Encourage them to listen to their coach.  Encourage the process and encourage them especially when they make mistakes.  Performing well feels good.  Winning is nice.  Scholarships are cool.  But end results are performance based, and when all of the encouragement is strictly based on performance, kids begin to feel less than when they don’t produce the desired end result. And the trail of breadcrumbs continues.

And if you are a parent that encourages, you’ll notice something interesting.  You’ll notice your kid encouraging her teammates.  You’ll notice her trying her hardest.  You’ll notice her making mistakes and recovering from them.  You’ll notice she enjoys the process of working hard and growing her skills as a player.  You’ll notice she picks up her teammates when they are down.  You’ll notice she supports those around her, and doesn’t put them down.  You will notice her being a great teammate.

When I watch a player, I notice attitude, effort, and how coachable she is.  When I talk with players and parents, I notice how they interact and what they say.  I’m not just looking for a great player; I am looking for a great teammate.  

So my questions to you, whether you are a parent, coach, player or fan, are:  What do you notice and where do your breadcrumbs lead to?

Mistakes, Mistakes, Mistakes

by Quinn Allen

Have you ever felt so embarrassed when you make a mistake?  Well you shouldn’t.  Mistakes are a normal thing and it shouldn’t be embarrassing like one time in a soccer game you get a handball and they get a free kick and score.   And yeah it might seem embarrassing but everyone is fine with it.  They know that they make mistakes too and that it happens.

Or if you go the wrong way in basketball it’s fine.  You don’t catch the ball in baseball or softball, it’s ok.  It happens.

What do you think? There is no possible way people can be perfect.  No way Jose!  And yes there may be sometimes when you think that there are people who are perfect but no, nobody is perfect.  

And hey you’re always going to have times when you think people are better than you but we are all equal and we all make mistakes.  They happen and you shouldn’t be embarrassed because it’s ok.  

You should celebrate when people make mistakes and learn from your mistakes.