LOUD NOISES!!

I have a confession that you all must know before you read on.  All of these posts that I have written were not originally intended to be for you.  They were for me.  Selfish, I know.  But let me clarify.  There have been countless moments in my life as a player, coach, fan, and parent that I have either witnessed or experienced some pretty terrible moments of Leadership.  And, because I am not perfect, I have had my own moments of not-so-great Leadership.  

So, this an (maybe therapeutic?) outlet for me, and has served as a reminder of what not to do in some moments, and what to do next, in others.  I use the word “Coach” often as that is the Leadership world I sit in most often.  But make no mistake that “Parent,” “Friend,” “Teammate,” “Fan,” “Colleague,” etc. etc. can easily be transposed for “Coach,” in many, if not most, of these situations and scenarios.  In fact, it is when I substitute the word “Parent” that I often cringe and ask myself: WHAT ARE YOU DOING??  

So I write these blogs not as Moses coming down to deliver the Ten Commandments, but as one of you; and my hope is that we can learn together, and I can share my few nuggets of wisdom in further hopes of leaving this world in a better place. 

And with that, I leave you with my next nugget…

LOUD NOISES!!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever sat at an athletics competition and, just after an athlete makes a mistake, you hear the coach yelling:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!??!!!

Sound familiar?  Whenever I hear this, I am reminded of one of my favorite scenes from Anchorman:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amrTOsYa4sA

I hope you’ll see the correlation that, in short, it’s just yelling to yell without purpose.

And, no, this is not an actual question meant to elicit an answer.  This is called a rhetorical question.  For clarity, a rhetorical question is a question that is asked to create dramatic effect, or to make a point rather than to get an answer.  So when a coach yells this out, they aren’t really asking said athlete, What are you doing??  They are being dramatic, which then only draws more attention to the mistake, which draws negative attention to that athlete.  They aren’t coaching, and they aren’t leading.  They are making a scene, usually one that embarrasses the player.  Typically, the athlete who makes the mistake already knows the mistake has been made, so there is no need to draw more attention

Good Leadership is about encouraging, guiding, and helping players explore their thought processes and decision making.  Good Leadership is NOT asking questions you either DON’T really want an answer to, OR  asking a question you already know the answer to.  A rhetorical question neither encourages, nor guides.  

So the question is: Can we ask questions to help encourage and guide players??

Absolutely!

A good Leader needs to ask questions to both help the athlete understand what they could have done differently, and to help the Leader understand what was going on in their head at the time of the play.  

Here are two simple questions a Good Leader can ask that will help guide and explore.  

What was going on in your mind?

OR

Can you tell me what happened?

When a coach opens up with a question like either of these, it opens the athlete more for an opportunity to then either encourage or guide.  And….AND, the athlete also learns to self assess and not wait for critiques from their coach, or the sideline know-it-all fans:)  Instead of fearing mistakes, they learn that mistakes are a necessary part of learning and growing.

When a Coach asks either of these questions calmly and with a posture that is open to listening to an athlete, the Coach is actively wanting to understand what is in the athlete’s head.  And, as Stephen Covey has highlighted in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Habit 5 is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  And THIS is the root of what a Good Leader is trying to do.

When a coach asks WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? They are making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, which will eventually close off any communication between coach and athlete.  

Good Leadership means not asking questions you already know the answer to.

Good Leadership means asking questions that you TRULY want an answer to.

Good Leaders seek first to understand.